Here, I'll be posting some of his own posts.
Challenge accepted!
Recently I came close to admitting defeat on a challenge issued by one of my nay-saying friends. Fortunately I was able to rally in the final hour and snare a lady while talking like a little boy, thereby avoiding my first ever failure.
This brush with dishonor got me thinking about my running list of challenges I plan to complete in my lifetime. Here it is:
Pick up a chick whilst talking like a little boy
Lick the Liberty Bell
Tame a cougar
Overalls = Sex
Strike out a Major League batter
14-way
Pulitzer / Nobel
Own an island
Dunk
Miss America
Wear the Crown Jewels
High-five the moon
Drive the pope-mobile
Debunk gravity
24 chicks, 24 time-zones
“Pay only in pennies day”
Walk to Connecticut
Ride a baby giraffe
Conduct a symphony in Lincoln Center
Seduce a woman with my eyes closed and my hands tied behind my back
Achieve Nirvana in less than an hour
Suction-cup to the top of the Empire State Building
Urinate in all seven seas
Fist-bump a king
Go “business casual” for half a day
Now if I can only find someone to challenge me on these…
The sex sense
You may have seen that 1999 film with the little blond dude who chats up dead people. You may have also seen him get interrupted by Keyboard Cat on YouTube. Well, I, just like him, have a sixth sense. The only difference? Mine is sex-related and way, way cooler. Let’s call it a “sex sense.” You see, I have the uncanny ability to determine precisely how long it’s been since a lady has last lain with a man. But what if you aren’t as awesome as me and only have a mere five senses? Fear not, for I present to you an easy-to-follow flow chart to help you gauge just how hard-up your potential honey is.
Why is this important? Because there is a very narrow window of opportunity or, “bangotunity,” when a girl’s ready to get down. That window falls between 3 weeks, 2 days, 5 hours and 3 weeks, 2 days, 6 hours. Needless to say, there is no room for error.
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